Marital Bliss (sort of)

Marital Bliss (sort of)

Did you know...my husband and I got engaged after dating for less than 5 months. At the age of 19. And we are still happily married 17+ years later. And the only reason he waited so long to ask me was because he was afraid he would scare me. Stranger yet, we barely knew each other before our first date and practically moved in together that day. And we haven't been apart (save a few mini vacations or business trips) since. 

I know this story is not the norm, but when we got together I really thought "we were different."

But doesn't EVERY couple say that? No one gets married thinking that will soon be a divorce statistic. 

Of course, everything hasn't been perfect. We fight, disagree...probably an average amount. 

Sometimes we make the most amazing team and sometimes we have to agree to disagree and walk away. 

One of the scariest things for me in marriage is growing. Every day for 17+ years we have each been having different experiences - or perceived the same experience differently. Lots of growth has happened for each of us over 17 years. We are not the same people that got married half our lives ago.  And each shift, change and decision has the potential to bring us closer or further apart. And then there's the stagnation - areas where one of us hasn't grown at all (or barely) in 17 years - which can cause disappointment and frustration for one or both parties as well. 

I may be young, and I'm far from an expert, but 17 years is a long time to be with one person these days. And to say we are still happy is a pretty amazing accomplishment. Over the years I've learned a lot, but the 2 things* that I think are the most important are:

1) Allow. Allow your spouse to be who they are. Allow them to have their own experience. Allow them to have their own journey. Allow them to have their own life. You married them for who they are, not because they are your mirror. They have gifts and experiences that complement yours. You are each amazing beings, but together your skills combine and can be unstoppable...IF you allow all of the combined skills, values, and beliefs to have value and purpose. 

and

2) Whenever there is an issue, never forget to ask yourself "What kind of spouse am I?"  It can often be easy to see the fault in others or avoid looking at our own contribution to problems. But if we take a moment to consider how we may be:

• unfair
• part of the problem
• not contributing to a solution
• focusing on the negative
• not seeing all the possibilities
• not seeing the gifts in others
• withholding love
• lacking acceptance

We may realize the other person is not as much at fault as we initially thought.

Long story, short? The idea that marital bliss - gloriously happy marriage without effort - is possible is complete false (if you ask me). However, anything of value requires effort and is worth fighting for.   And by taking these simple steps above when the issues are small, I think we can avoid ever running into the big stuff that takes marriages down. 

Thanks for being here.

Beth
www.secondnaturehealthcoaching.com 

* Obvious, I hope this goes without say, but these rules are for healthy relationships and do not apply to abusive situations.

Just realized this never posted months ago....better late than never ;) Enjoy!
....
Before you start your day, take 10 minutes for yourself. I've put together this short video and matching PDF just for you to help you understand the power of your own thoughts. Enjoy!

The Power of Thought

Do you ever wish you could be a little more patient or kind? What about happy and fulfilled? Optimistic?

I think we all do.

But guess what! I have the secret.

The secret is in the way you think.

Here. Let me teach you...

If you are an audio/visual type, click on the image below.

And if you would rather read the content like a book, click here or on the image below.

OR download the PDF and follow along with the video!



Have a beautiful day!

Beth Bunchman, MS, CHHC
303-956-8063


www.secondnaturehealthcoaching.com

Confessions of a Perfectionist

Confessions of a Perfectionist

I'm too hard on myself. I know I am. I always have been.

But somewhere along the way there was a shift. And the pendulum swung too far in the other direction.

I can't pinpoint an exact moment (although there probably was). But I think it was probably more of a wearing down. Too many years of hearing things like:

• "You're too hard on yourself."
• 
  
• "Grant yourself some grace."
• 
  
• "Nobody's perfect."
• 
  
• "You're only human."
• 
  
• "Perfectly imperfect."
• 
  
• And the like.

And at some point I started believing it. And then I took it to heart. Complacency had taken hold.

And now it sometimes seems like I have an excuse for everything.

• Sleep.
• 
  
• Exercise.
• 
  
• Eating healthy. 
• 
  
• Making an effort. 
• 
  
• Succeeding.

And a few weeks ago, I finally said:

"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"

I get to choose. I'm setting the schedule and the pace.

And so, I went back to basics to find my groove. And I'm working on it. I'm getting there.

• I'm listening to my intuition and hearing my guides. 
• 
  
• I'm trying harder (done with excuses) but being kinder with myself when I fall short. 
• 
  
• I'm thinking long term, big picture, instead of living only in the moment. 
• 
  
• And I'm happier, less anxious, and more productive. 

Thanks for being here.

Beth
www.secondnaturehealthcoaching.com 

Biology Major turned Writer

Sometimes the path finds you...

Sometimes I look back on my younger years and think I was such a follower. Not an original thought in my head. Completely unable to think for myself. 

And then people ask me questions like:

"What inspired you to become a writer?" 

Which makes me pause. I don't necessarily think of myself as a writer and it feels like a foreign identifier. The truth is, I was a biology major in college. While diligently following my pre-vet, chem and bio-chem course load with nearly straight A's, I had the wild idea (against everyone's "better judgement") to take several writing classes electively. 

Looking back, it was completely foolish. I knew nothing about writing and it was certain to tank my perfect GPA. But I did it because "it will be good for me" and "I just have this feeling I'll need it some day." 

At the time I wasn't really one for thinking for myself or listening to my intuition but I think these were key moments in that shift for me. I felt completely out of my element in those classes but the teachers were all so encouraging. 

At the time, I thought they were just trying to be nice to the lone biology student, but now I realize I probably don't give myself enough credit. 

Though never tested for any "problems", I've always struggle to carry on thoughtful conversations. I'm a thinker and a processor. I often can't keep up with conversations and have far more valuable information in my head than I can manage to share verbally. 

I've found that I communicate much easier via print since it gives me time to listen, really hear the questions, process, analyze, and create a coherent thought. 

I also prefer to receive information via text because it gives me the opportunity to review it and refer back to it. 

This has led me to journaling, blogging, creating a newsletter, publishing articles, and now my very own book. 

And so, I guess that makes me a writer. :) 

(I'll work on accepting that compliment! Thank you for the question Barbara!)

As a coach and author, I enjoy thinking (and helping others think) about possibilities, simplicity, purpose, connection, layers of self, mental health, total wellness, and so on. So these are the things I tend to write about. I'm glad you are enjoying them.

Thanks for being here!

Beth
www.secondnaturehealthcoaching.com 

If anyone else has a question, please comment below or send it to: beth@secondnaturehealthcoaching.com

Have a beautiful day!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall

Have you ever done something you aren't proud of?

A couple weeks ago, I was running late to get my kids to school. My 10 year old daughter has become the queen of dilly-dallying (I swear just to watch my head explode) and I had forgotten I was out of gas.

I stopped into my regular gas station and (lo, and behold) guess what...they had changed the pumps. You know, to the new fancy kind with TVs.

Well, I have a hard time with change and find the idea that we need to watch TV (receive additional marketing input) while we pump gas depressing. So, I boil over from frustrated to irritated.

But I press on. No time to think about "what this world is coming to" right now.

I put in my card. Punch in my zip code. Load the nozzle into my card.

AAAAANNNNDDDDDD......

Get an error message.

Then, "Please see attendant."

GAH! I do not have time for this. If we had just kept the stupid "old" pumps (that weren't old), this would not be happening to me right now. Seriously! Can't a girl catch a break?

I try again. No luck.

SO I head inside to a line of people and a single cashier who is on the phone. (Obviously I'm not the only one having trouble. He must be on the phone with the company trying to get support).

I wait my turn. Impatient but quiet.

When it is my turn, I express my frustration and move on.

-----

Fast forward a few days. I need gas again. Not running nearly as late, but late enough. It happens again.

I won't go into detail about what I said either time because I am embarrassed. But I was irritable, unkind, and full of blame. (I did not yell or curse - not that it wasn't on my mind).

----

Fast forward another several days. I am not falling for this again. Out of spite, I venture out of my way to a different gas station.

And, guess what.

THE SAME THING HAPPENS!!!

And then I realize. I'm using the wrong zip code.

I try again with the correct zip code and everything works just fine.

And then it hits me.


Moral of the story....

There are plenty of lessons to learn from this experience (time management, vehicle maintenance, parenting, attitude adjusting, and gratitude all easily come to mind). But for me, the most important one was "Who am I? Who do I want to be? and How do I want to be perceived?"

I always pay at the pump. This gentleman has never met me before (nor anyone else in that store). This was an awful first impression. And, hopefully, not a good picture of who I really am.

Definitely not who I want to be. 

And so. Since then I've been looking harder at who I am and how I show up in the world. Not just when I'm running a meeting, marketing, coaching, or posting to social media...

But who I am when I don't think people are looking. When I don't intend to be noticed. When I'm "just" mom, or the lady in the checkout line, or the girl next to you in Jazzercise, or another car on the road....

What about you? Who do you want to be?




Thanks for being here.

Beth
www.secondnaturehealthcoaching.com

I wanna be a mall walker when I grow up...

So, the other day, I ended up in a mall.

This is highly uncharacteristic of me. Not only do I struggle with the consumerism and marketing messages but I just plain have a REALLY hard time with the noise, lights, and energy of that environment.

Anyway, I needed my car services at the dealership next door. I typically stay at the dealership and use their handy work stations to accomplish something productive - newsletters, blogging, taking an online classes, catching up on email...you get the point. But on this particular day, I was hankerin' for a trip to Target. (I'm such a rebel, I know!) But Target just happens to be next door...in the M.A.L.L.

And it felt early enough, and exciting enough, that I could handle it. SO I went.

It was bitterly cold that day and only 9am (the sun was barely up!) so I opted for the free shuttle from the dealership. He kindly dropped me off at the nearest mall entrance and I began my trek to the other end of the mall.

I quickly felt that dread and anxiety that is all too familiar to me. But I pressed on. (It was far better than hoofing it outside in the shadows and wind, after all!)

I decided to make it a personal growth exercise.

• Slow down. What are your running from?
• 
  
• Breathe. 
• 
  
• Relax the shoulders.
• 
  
• Use your senses to be present. (Be intentional about my intake, rather than overwhelmed). 

And it worked.

I soon realized the mall was closed. HA! I was one of very few people in the mall. All the stores were still locked up, most of the lights still off. It was just me and the "old folks" (in various stages of health and ability) cruisin' the halls.

But, more importantly, what I realized was that everyone else seemed so cheerful. Most were walking with a buddy - some conversing, some not. Nearly everyone gave me a smile or nod. Several even extended a greeting.

This was not the mall I was used to. And I liked it. I wanted to stay and walk. Join these lovely people in their journey. Learn from them. (They obviously knew so much more than I did. And not just about malls.) And continue to grow.

I did finish my journey to Target (and then back around the outside since the mall entrance was closed.) but then moved on with my day. But I do plan to visit again soon.

And, long term, I'd love to be one of the 70+ ladies at Jazzercise. Fit as can be. Still jumping and dancing. But if my future holds mall walking instead. I'll be ok with that too.

Thanks for being here.

Beth
www.secondnaturehealthcoaching.com